


Ruin Me

by ilsafausts (phoenix_cry)



Series: A Spy's Affair [1]
Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Don’t copy to another site, Ethan is a Softie, F/M, Forbidden Love, Implied Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Syndicate!Ilsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 18:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17451944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix_cry/pseuds/ilsafausts
Summary: In which Ilsa really is with the Syndicate and Ethan falls in love with her anyway.





	Ruin Me

“I could ruin you,” she whispered against his temple, her hot breath fluttering across his skin. 

“I know,” he replied, pressing her harder against the wall of the seedy motel room, relishing the goosebumps he could feel erupting on the small of her back. He burrowed his fingertips deeper into her skin and pressed his lips against her throat, tasting her, breathing her in, the sudden need to commit her to memory almost overwhelming him. 

Her hands, so delicate, but so deadly, began tugging on his shirt, blindly seeking out the buttons, popping them open, one after the other. 

A second later, his shirt hit the floor, leaving him bare-chested and even more desperate to feel her skin against his.

His hands slipped over her hips, fingers grazing over the button and zipper of her pants, only to latch onto them and pull them open. Tugging the fabric over her hips, he helped her step out of her pants before lifting her into his arms. Her legs fastened around his hips at once and he carried her over to the bed, carefully setting her down onto the mattress. He knew she wasn’t willing to waste any of their precious time together on romance, but he couldn’t help to just take her in for a moment, spread out beneath him like that. She always took his breath away, and he already dreaded the moment he had to watch her walk out the door again, never knowing if it would be the last time. 

They both lead dangerous lives, but put together, they became even more so. 

“Ethan,” her slightly impatient voice pulled him out of his dark thoughts, and he gave her an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry,” he murmured and leaned down to press his lips against hers gently. 

She was having none of it and wasted no time to deepen the kiss, her hands snaking around his neck and shoulders, pulling him closer. “Clothes,” she gasped in between kisses. “Too many clothes.” Her restless hands ghosted down his back and began shoving at his pants, until he broke their kiss, chuckling, to help her. 

“You’re especially impatient today, aren’t you?” He teased, eyes sparkling in delight. 

“It’s been too long, and I’ve got to work off some energy, so get on with it,” she ordered, but her blues eyes were just as playful as his own. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

Eventually, they were both naked, their limbs tangled together, moving, pressing, seeking until they were both sweaty and breathless. 

“Fuck,” she breathed, as she lay beside him, eyes closed, a little smile on her lips. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, just as breathless, eyes taking her in. After a moment’s hesitation, he gently pulled her into his arms, smoothing a hand down her back soothingly, as he felt her tense up at the unexpected move. “Please,” he whispered. “Just for a moment.”

A few seconds later, he felt her sigh and relax in his arms. A relieved smile spread across his face and he pressed his lips against her hair, breathing her in. This was the first time she had ever allowed him to just hold her after sex, and he intended to relish it. 

They just lay there for a while as their skin cooled slowly, just enjoying the intimacy of it all. 

“Why are you still with them, Ilsa,” he eventually dared to ask, like he had done many times before. 

He heard her sigh and press her forehead against his chest, but she didn’t pull away, for which he was grateful. 

“Do we have to keep having this conversation every time, Ethan?”

“Yes, until you give me a reason I believe.” He took a deep breath. “Until you give me a reason I know  _ you  _ believe.”

She was quiet for a long while, and he thought she just wasn’t willing to indulge him and this conversation anymore. “How often has your government thrown you away like garbage, Ethan? How many times has it let you down?”

He knew they were rhetorical questions, so he remained quiet, waiting her out. 

“They don’t care about us, or what happens to us. We’re just a tool for them, to be discarded at a whim, once we’ve outlived our usefulness. Are you really willing to wait around until that happens? Again? Because I wasn’t. Lane knew that. He gave me a new purpose.”

“He may have given you another purpose, but he’s just as willing to discard you, to drop you like an old wrench, and exchange you for a fresh model. He doesn’t care about life, Ilsa. Any life, not even his own. You’re all just pawns to him.”

“You might be right,” she admitted, and he held his breath. “But what other choice is there for me?” She moved off his chest to prop herself up on her elbow, looking down into his eyes. “I’m a criminal, Ethan. Any government wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in my back.”

He clenched his teeth and shook his head. “Not if I can help it.” His hand sought out hers resting on his chest and squeezed it gently. “Please let me help you.”

She gave him a soft smile and leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. 

“My knight in shining armor,” she murmured.

Then she slipped out of his arms and out of bed, pulling her clothes on again, quickly and efficiently. 

He didn’t move, just watched her every move with a heavy heart. 

At the door, she hesitated and looked at him over her shoulder, her tousled hair obscuring half her face. “Goodbye, Ethan,” she said, smiling.

He smiled back at her and blinked against the tears. 

“Goodbye, Ilsa.”

The door closed behind her with a soft click that sounded way too final to his ears. 

The tears fell and he grieved for a future and a woman that never had a chance of thriving in the light. 

 

_ Fin.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, are you still there? It's gotten pretty quiet in the fandom, which is normal after the hype has died down, I guess. Still, it was nice having y'all around here, not talking to myself :P
> 
> Anyway, if you're still reading this, thank you! Hope you enjoyed the fic. It's more angsty than my usual fare, but I hope you liked it anyway. Let me know if you did? And even if you didn't? Thanks ;)
> 
> Also, I might be inclined to continue this, if anyone is interested...
> 
> Okay, bye.


End file.
